Growing up

This poem is for my big 2nd grader who started school today! I love you Daniel. I hope everyone enjoys it.

Get in get in the car you say, 

Hurry up we’re on our way

Climb up, 

Shut the door

That’s what you are looking for. 

Out the door go on today

Now we have time to play

Line up

Count to ten 

Run and hide we play again

Teacher teacher help me out

I lost my tooth i do not doubt

Smile now

Check the floor

Look right here I lost three more

Sit down right now next to me

Open your lunch and we’ll see

Who trades

Then we eat

Look my mom sent me a treat

I’m going home now on the bus

brought my pack now that’s a plus

Sit down

Wait to go

I’m by my friends I’ll say hello

Mother brother where are you

I’ve come right home to see you two,

Hug me 

Hear my day

First day of school was hip hooray

Dropback accomplished!

Ok ok, I know I said that yesterday I did it, but today I really did it. I even stood up out of it!

I was doing my hormone sequence as usual when I noted on Ustrasana (Camel) it is incorrect to lean back to bring your arms to your feet, it is all in the upper back and the weight stays in the thighs/ knees. Then I remembered about that You Tube video that I watched yesterday, where she said the weight needs to be in the legs, and I saw that even when her arms were extended back the weight was still in her legs. That was never the case with mine yesterday.

So armed with this understanding, I started to prep for the dropback again. It did not take long, and there was no falling over today, luckily because I don't need another mark on my back, I was able to go into and out of the pose on the chair. I'll let you see the video I made tonight. It is not perfect, but it shows where I am going.

And I am not sure if I thank OCD for repeatedly telling me I did not do a dropback yesterday, or just ignore that part of my mental health.

Take a chance

So today I was doing my hormone sequence and all I could think about was a short YouTube video of a yogi doing Drop backs into backbend. It was beautiful. That is one of my yoga goals. But I have always been afraid of doing it and hurting myself.

But as I was in Ustrasana, and reaching back for my feet I realized this is similar to how I would start the drop back.... and then a faint recollection of words from Mr. Iyengar's words when I was learning headstand in the middle of the room,

"The best w ay to overcome fear is to face with equanimity the situation of which one is afraid. Then one gets the correct perspective, and one is not frightened any more. To topple over whil learning the head stand is not as terrible as we imagine"

With that in my mind I remembered my first fall in headstand. It wasn't too bad, and I looked around, where could I make this pose a little easier? We have an ottoman about 2.5 ft tall. Perfect. I took my mat went over there and tried.... almost succeeded. Learned my mistake and tried again. I did it! I did a drop back!

But it was only to the ottoman, so it doesn't count.... yea mental health issues. So I had to next try the floor..... why I jumped from something 2.5 ft off the floor to the floor I dont know. But I did. I told myself this is a leap of faith, I got prepared, went back, and fell on my head. It didn't hurt to bad. I was glad I was on carpet. So I picked myself up and tried again, learning from the first time, better, but I still fell. Third time's the charm.... hey maybe this time I will put my hands on a bolster, give me a little more height. Yes I was thinking.... no.... bad thought. My head hit the bolster before my arms hit the floor! I was done, but not defeated.

I went back to the ottoman, did another drop back on the ottoman and called it a success. I'm calling you out OCD, I did a Drop back today and I am not going to question it!

UCLA

On Monday I head to UCLA for OCD treatment. It has been interesting the last 8 months I have been really struggling with my OCD. I was diagnosed with it just under a year ago, but as my knowledge continues to grow about this mental health issue I realize how long I have been suffering from this as a child, to teenage years to college and on my mission. 

It really has hit me hard this last week how much of my life has been encompassed by this illness. There is never a break with this.

But on Monday I will leave for 6 weeks to do nothing but have therapy, go to the Temple, do yoga, and go on walks with my momma. It sounds so nice and perfect. But I know it will be some of the hardest work I will be doing in my life.

I may need a lot of Dr. Peppers to get me through this. So far I am down to 1 or 2 a day, and that is HUGE to what I was doing a few months ago.